By nature humans are social animals. Being part of a community can have a positive affect on your mental health. Unfortunately, energy limiting illnesses such ME/CFS and Long Covid leave many of us socially isolated and lonely.

Making friends and maintaining friendships is challenging when you are chronically ill, particularly if you are housebound, but it is still possible to connect with others and build meaningful relationships.

Here are a few strategies I’ve picked up along my journey

Ask your friends or family if they would send you photos of what they are doing. I’ve been housebound for years so I’ve learnt to live vicariously through my healthy friends. One of them regularly sends me pictures of what he is up to. I love having this window into the outside world, it makes me feel less cut off from real life.

You could set up a WhatsApp group chat with a few friends or family members and use it to update each other with what is happening in your lives. If there are lots of people in the chat there is less pressure on you to contribute, you could simply be an observer.

I have a group chat set up with my sister and cousin where we chat about boys. They share their dating horror stories or screenshots of the inappropriate messages they receive on dating apps and we all have a giggle.

Voice notes are a great way to stay connected. Hearing someone’s voice seems much more personal than a written message. I don’t have the energy for long conversations so I find this is a good alternative. It enables me to stay in contact with my friends and allows me to fit the communication around my limitations. If you are too ill to spend time together in person this can be a good way of maintaining the friendship.

I find speaking a message easier than typing. Voice notes also give me the flexibility to listen to or record the messages when I have the energy. I am not under pressure like I would be in a face-to-face situation where you are conscious of using up your limited energy resources.

When you are housebound virtual events provide a great way to connect with other people. No need to leave the sofa, just log in and join the conversation. You could even keep your camera off so nobody knows you are still in your pyjamas from yesterday.

Participation can be optional too. If you don’t have the energy you don’t need to say anything. Some days I just listen and observe. It still gives me a sense of connection.

The events listed below are specifically for people with chronic illness

Chronically Creative Café
Free zoom meet ups for people with long term health conditions. The focus is around creativity which could be anything from story writing, sketching, crafting or simply your imagination.

Pillow Writers & Crafters
Multiple sessions a week for different types of creative writing, plus sessions focused on arts and craft. Aimed at people with ME/CFS or Long Covid.

Long Covid Choir
Friendly and informal weekly online sessions of breathing exercises, singing (on mute) and an optional chat afterwards. They sing a variety of musical styles. No auditions, no singing experience required, and no need to be able to read music.

Long Covid Kids Choir
Online choir for children and young people living with Long Covid or young people caring for a parent/caregiver with Long Covid. No singing experience is required and most of the singing is done on mute.

Nourish Therapeutic Yoga
Gentle yoga classes ending with a 30 minute community chat. The classes are designed specifically for people with chronic illness. Founder Shannon has ME/CFS so is fully aware of the needs and limitations of us spoonies.

Chronic illness support groups offer the opportunity to chat to people who are going through similar things to you. You can ask questions and learn from other peoples experiences. Whatever problem you are experiencing you can be sure someone else has experienced it too.

The Bateman Horne Centre specialises in helping people with ME/CFS, Fibromyalgia, Long COVID and co-existing conditions. Twice a month they run Zoom support groups to help people with the mental and emotional challenges of living with a chronic illness. Sessions are led by a licensed professional who has personal experience navigating life with a complex chronic condition. The link provides a recap of past events as well as the schedule of upcoming sessions

The Irish ME Trust has weekly, informal Zoom meetings that sometimes feature a guest speaker offering advice on topics such as nutrition, acupuncture, kinesiology, counselling and holistic approaches. You don’t need to live in Ireland to take part.

Facebook groups can also be a great support. I look for ones which have a positive vibe where people are either focusing on improving their health or just looking to chit chat.

A word of caution, there are definitely some ME/CFS groups out there which have a more depressing and despondent vibe. Personally I stay away from these groups as I find they are not good for my mental health.

If you would prefer socialising which is not illness related try joining an online group for a particular hobby or interest you have. 

Social media has opened up the world for us housebound folk. I have found Facebook groups are a great place to connect with like minded people. 

Maybe you like reading so look for a book club. If you like craft find a group on knitting or origami. Perhaps you’re a big Netflix fan, is there a particular program you love? Search for a group where fellow fans chat about the show.

While I’m sure you know about dating apps, did you know there are friend finding apps too.

Bumble BFF helps you grow your circle of platonic friends.

Dateability is for people with a chronic illness or disability. While the name suggests it is for dating I have found many people on there are also looking for friendship, either in person or online.

The great advantage of apps is that you can explain your health situation before meeting the person. 

I have always struggled with explaining my illness and its limitations. I feel embarrassed and awkward bringing it up, particularly with someone I have only recently met.

When chatting to someone on an app I find it much easier. I have the time to compose a message explaining my health issues. Then the recipient has time to digest the information and write their response. Awkwardness averted!

If you are not well enough to leave the house you could try apps or websites which are aimed at people looking for penpals.

Warrior Card Swap is a safe, supportive space where people with a chronic illness can connect with others chronic illness warriors. Each month, participants send and receive personalised greeting cards filled with encouragement, understanding, and kindness. 

The Mighty, a website supporting the chronic illness and disability community, recommends Penpal World and InterPals.

Whilst I am not a gamer I have seen many people in chronic illness forums say they find gaming a good way to connect with other people. Discord has developed alongside the gaming world so that people can chat to each other while gaming, sharing tips and helping each other.

Although the communities in Discord are predominately based around gaming there some general hangout spaces and chronic illness groups too.

I would love to hear how you deal with the isolation of living with ME/CFS or Long Covid. Pop your strategies in the comments.

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